5: Daydreaming (In this Corner of the World)

I used to daydream a lot. In actuality, I discovered that my daydreaming was often involuntary thanks to absence seizure. But that doesn’t stop me from saying that I daydreamed a lot.

I have a lot of toys and trinkets in my room. One shelf has all the non interactive toys. Things included an old mouse doll, a Lego Bionicle Bohrok whose rubber band no longer works, some small Pokemon figurines that were bundled with other products, and my vast collection of seizure medication. Clearly, the pinnacle of toys. The other shelf has all the things I will be talking about: A fidget spinner, a fidget cube, a contact juggling ball, a Kendama, a 2×2 and 3×3 Rubik’s Cube, A simple set of Buckyballs, a spinning pen, a tippe top, and a wooden puzzle box.

If it isn’t obvious by now, I love toys. I love playing with them even more. I spend my off times playing with one rather than stare at my smartphone. I spend actual time and effort learning tricks on the ones that require skill. I use them every day and I use them often. In real life you’d catch me fiddling with one of these in public. And if not, I can always improvise with whatever I can grab. My hands are always doing something.

But what does that have to do with daydreaming? It’s for a simple reason: the toys help me stop daydreaming.

Watching the movie, I felt for Suzu because there came a time for her to no longer take her life in the same fickle, blissfully ignorant way she was used to doing. The visitors who came upon her doorstep were replaced by bullets and shells. She would experience sleepless nights, suffer numerous bombings, and lose many of what, and whom, she held dearest to her life. She couldn’t afford to keep drawing the art of war. She couldn’t afford to daydream while the nightmares dropped their payloads onto her playful thoughts. It was no longer in her best interest to be taking things in stride, no matter how hard she tried.

At a much lower life-threatening level, college is my life. It order to succeed, I must focus in class, on my homework, and in studying for exams. I got away with my daydreaming when I was still in high school and the stakes were lower. I was free to behave at a much broader spectrum, and that included not taking my future seriously. I’ve learned now that I can no longer take my reality in stride the same way I was able to before. I needed to change, and that meant that I had to focus. That was when I started collecting toys.

Even now as I type this post, the tippe top’s metal structure slips across my left hand, and feels cold to the touch. I would place it down when I need both hands, and watch as it rocks back and forth in place. The sound pleases me. And I’m encouraged to keep typing.

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